did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm like, not good at living.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
