we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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