when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
