i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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