smell my finger.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
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I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
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After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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