I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
