sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
