I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
