im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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