but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
