I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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