A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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