She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
