so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
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No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
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I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.