Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(804): View more from Virginia

the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight

(1-804): View more from Virginia

i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed

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(937): View more from Ohio

they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend

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(631): View more from New York

"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......

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(850): View more from Florida

"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(727): View more from Florida

There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?

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(563): View more from Iowa

Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!

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(936): View more from Texas

To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.

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