I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
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Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
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Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.