I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.