we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando