the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
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There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
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like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.