i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
