you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
