i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
