Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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