first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
