i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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