What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
