He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
