I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
