I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
