You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
