her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
