you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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