sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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