Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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