I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
