I feel like I'm in dance class right now
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
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