I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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