watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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