Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
