Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize