I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
