i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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