you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
