you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?