WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
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went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
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Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.