Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
