I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
