My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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