All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
