That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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