I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I understand Curling. That high.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
