Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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