Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
