fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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