In the future we'll all be gay
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You can't special order awesome
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
