your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have aggressive nipples.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
