we're chasing vodka with high fives
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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