so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
