He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
