oh god the rape fog is back!
she looked like the before picture.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
