he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So much rum. So many feels.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
