she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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