Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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