I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
