There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Don't tell me you're on acid again
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
