There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
