Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
