sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
