I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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