You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
