I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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