I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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