I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
from now on my penis is your penis
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
