We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
