I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
