Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize